So I asked five juniors at school today this simple question: What makes a relationship fail?
Obviously, this “relationship” I speak of falls under the specific category called high-school relationships (typically romantic between a male and female BUT not always… whatever floats your boat). In the description of this topic, it included “friend, spouse, parent-child” in parenthesis without an “etc.” so I’m just going to hope the whole high school relationship thing is fine, too. I mean, I’m a junior girl in high school—I’m obligated to know a lot about that stuff.
Within five total answers to my question, I received approximately three cohesive responses (Others being slight variations of the original).
Miscommunication. First, a junior male who is currently in a “happy relationship” gave his input. He replied simply and with much ease, “Miscommunication… like when one person is on a totally different page than the other, you know?” So, there you have it: miscommunication. Heidi Grant Halvorson, Ph.D from Psychology Today states the problem that miscommunication brings about, “The most common source of miscommunication in any relationship is a very simple one: people routinely fail to realize how little they are actually communicating. In other words, we think we've said a lot more than we actually have.” (http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-science-success/201102/too-much-miscommunication-in-your-relationship-simple-fix) It is almost self-explanatory in the sense that in order to have a healthy relationship, you must communicate—CORRECTLY!!! We are much more likely to assume “it was obvious" with people we know very well. So, ironically, the risk of miscommunication is greater with your significant other than it is with an absolute stranger. Studies show this trend of miscommunication is much higher in girls, since girls tend to insinuate more than 50% of what they truly mean, thus causing frustration on their side, which eventually causes a greater frustration and misunderstanding from the male perspective.
How to fix the problem? Say what you need to say and always make it clear.
Trust Issues. Now this one came from a boy and girl today. Unsurprisingly, this issue was vigorously defined similarly from both sexes. The male complained about “…the fear of getting hurt emotionally,” while the female ranted about “…him getting jealous about everyone I talk to.” As you can see, these BOTH may be the cause AND effect of one another. Trust is perhaps the most important quality a relationship must possess, and without it, the relationship is as good as doomed. Take these words of wisdom from Tejvan Pettinger’s “7 Common Reasons Relationships Fail”: “Others will be rightly discomforted if we mistrust them. If our partner lets us down, it is not our fault. But, if we suspect, because of our own insecurity, we are bound to create serious problems in our own relationships.” (http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/7-common-reasons-relationships-fail/) Now, how do we fix this problem? You need to learn how to trust. If you end up getting screwed over after you followed this advice, it’s unfortunate for that person. I don’t know if you believe in Karma, but I do, and it’s about to bite them in the butt. Keep trusting, because someone out there will not let you down.
Sexual Boundaries. Lastly, but nonetheless a very important issue, is something almost only seen or ever heard about in high school. Not only does it set a rift in the relationship, this is the only category that can cause serious lifelong ramifications. Sexual pressure in high school is a very prominent concern. According to my two remaining contributors (one male, one female), these sexual boundaries were the fatal blow to a past relationship. I was not in the least surprised as to what standpoint each was on. The male claimed that his ex-girlfriend was “...an absolute prude. She didn’t ever wanna do anything, so what’s the point?” heavily insinuating that the word “anything” meant various sexual activities. Now as you can imagine, the girl surveyed had a much different take. “A guy has to know that there are boundaries. You definitely need to iron those details out from the start, or there’s going to be trouble.” Statistics illustrate an almost precise legitimacy to these inputs. While there are plenty of exceptions and definite cases of “the other way around,” 72% of girls compared to a 12% of boys said they wish they had waited longer to have sex. (http://www.realalternatives.org/worried/sayingno.htm). The answer to all your troubles is here: Be clear of each other’s boundaries (this also ties in the issue of miscommunication) from the very beginning. Only partake in sexual activities if you are ready and feel totally comfortable in doing so. And on a last note, be safe ;)
No comments:
Post a Comment